We continue to look at strategies for dealing with difficult people.  So far, we have reviewed kill with kindness, listen and respond, describe how you see the situation, try not to take a position-deal with a need, be "for"something and ask questions (see previous postings to view these discussions).  Today we will look at keeping communication going.

When you get into arguments in which you and the other person have developed rigid viewpoints, your comments are likely to become increasingly bitter until all progress stops.  Then, the problem is really a breakdown in communication.

When a communication impasse occurs, try to stop the discussion and ask the other person to agree to a new ground rule for both of you.  Neither will be allowed to speak up for himself or herself or to state his or her side of the argument until each has stated the other's ideas and attitudes to the other's complete satisfaction.

Why state the other person's position?  It forces us to really think about and listen to what the other person is trying convey, instead of waiting for the speaker to take a breath and immediately begin stating our position without really considering what the other person has to say.  If I have to restate what someone else has said, I must first listen to them, rather than thinking about how I plan to pursue my own agenda.  If I have misunderstood the other speaker, it allows them to clarify their point.  Both sides should come away feeling that at least they have been heard and understood.  It may be necessary to take a break from the discussion, but hopefully both sides will feel more ready and willing to try to continue working.  Adapted from the In*Source Parent Packet.

Cathy Boswell

In*Source